There will be days that I mull over a word that just keeps rattling around in my brain, never really sure where they stem from. But my mind just won't be set at ease until I have properly defined the word and figured out how to properly and comfortably insert it into my conversations.
Two phrases that have been on my mind this morning--as I sit and watch my 2 year old son scatter Cheerios all over my kitchen table and floor, while my 1 month old baby girl nurses incessantly--were "I am at my wits end" and "She a beauty? -- I should as soon call her mother a wit." So I asked myself, what does it mean to be at my wits end? I know I have allowed myself at times to get so overly frustrated with the craziness of my boys that I often feel like pulling my hair out in frustration, and have thought and possibly even stated that I was 'at my wits end' but if so, what would that really look or feel like?
If wit has meanings such as: powers of intelligent observation, keen perception ingenious contrivance; mental acuity, composure, resourcefulness. And witty is amusingly clever in perception and expression. Then I would say that one doesn't have to be ready to explode because of frustration, If I am sitting still allowing the world around me to fall apart, not finding the humor in life or the situation, then yes...I'd say my wit has ended. It's a rather empty feeling to be sure. Knowing that there is much you could do in the world around you and yet having no motivation or joy in doing these things, or to even be unable to think up a snarky quip about how much I may dislike the thing at the moment.
I feel that most of the time, I am a pretty witty person. It really is my favorite attribute of myself. And that's saying a lot because I am my own worst enemy...I thoroughly annoy myself, worse than any younger sibling ever could. I wouldn't say that I'm a very funny individual, I couldn't do stand-up comedy, but I do so love to laugh. And I find my jokes and quips quite humorous...at least I know that there is always one person laughing at my jokes...even if it is just me. That was when my thoughts turned toward the Jane Austen quote. I may very well be in small company of people that think me witty.
Seeing how we have within the last month welcomed our 6th child into the world, our first girl, I am constantly doing a self assessment of whether I am experiencing any form of PPD. Most of the time I can label my situation the result of exhaustion, or at times just a touch of the "baby blues." Today on the contrary, I find very interesting...I seem to be overly logical, and lacking emotion or exasperation. Not sure how I should treat myself or be treated by others...I just feel kinda numb.
As my list of To-Do's grows, my normal reaction would be to stress out, conversely today my reaction is more akin to none of it really matters, let's just have a bonfire and burn the whole pile so we can stop thinking about it. I know this doesn't really help anything, but it is a rather satisfying feeling to just throw it all out the window. In essence, maybe all we really need to do is Simplify.
I hope you've enjoyed this journey into my mind.
